What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

I waited trembling.

Why do some people feel down in summer, specifically in July and August? What could be the reasons behind this feeling of sadness during those months only?

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Ive learnt so much.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

How many wishes do people get on their birthday?

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

So whats the point in blame.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

My boss called me on a Saturday to let me know he that due to financial reasons, I was no longer needed effective immediatley. 3 days later, he sends me a text asking about work issues. How do I respond?

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

I was scared of men, in general

What specific economic and social impacts would result if all climate change policies and regulations were immediately repealed worldwide?

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

I never cut or harmed myself..

Why is it difficult to get a job?

When she asked me how she looked .

As i do to all so called friends.?

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Can people who have never met you tell if you are a covert narcissist?

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Was to survive, this bastard.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Who is the most dangerous or evilest person of all time?

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

What are some fun/kinky things to do with your partner?

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

I couldn’t, believe it.

What are "demonic attacks" and how can one tell when they're happening to them, or someone else? How would one go about dealing with it?

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

She found it foreign!.

Can bosses get fired for being too hard on employees?

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

I don,t even have a pension.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

I think the readers, may guess!

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

Put me off passion for life!!

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

My life is so biszare .

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

I write beautiful poetry .

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Im still living with it.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

I was seconnd youngest,

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

She married twice! .

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

This is soul school!.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

But ive been too sick for many years..

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

Comes on , in middle age.

Especially a lifetime of it.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

I had hoped to write a book about this .

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

It was going to be , some day.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

But it wasn’t much.

(And it was in our own minds.)

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

I said to her

He was dying to do it , i knew.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

Why did i forgive my father ?

He resisted the act ,that day.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

All the time i was locked up.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

We were not on the streets..

But, we were locked up after school.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

Who then, do I blame.?

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

She loved him until the end.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

We all went to grammer schools

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

I was 9 years of age.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

He knew the spot.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

She was in good health!

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

What did i know ?

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

She wouldn,t have been !

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

My family never makes their pension either.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

I could never make a relationship work though!

I have no regrets .

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

On the 31st of Jan this month .

One cannot live in the past .

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

And i lived it daily.

Would this be the day?

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

So, i spoilt her more .

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

I was very sick at this time too.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

I know ,a lot about trauma.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

I will be 64.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!